Submitted by: iwanna-beenough
Description of Image: This was from deep inside my eating disorder. I was so dehydrated, I don’t remember taking it. When people say I looked fine, I get really triggered because I was in so much pain and it was so visible that I was close to death. The exhaustion, dehydration, starvation, all of it, really showed on my face and I can see it in my eyes.
In Recovery From: Anorexia, Verbal Abuse Trauma, Mental Abuse Trauma, Anxiety/Social Anxiety, Stress
#1 Reason To Recover: My family (excluding my parents)
Why Did You Decide To Recover:
I was not into the recovery thing when I was first put in Renfrew. I was too dehydrated to remember anything but having no intention to ever eat there. Yet, into the refeeding process, I saw the people who’ve given up their whole lives to an ED. I don’t want to be like that. I want to be a wife and a mother when I’m older. I want to be a good cousin and sister and best friend. A writer and a director and a comedian and all that stuff I’ve dreamt about for years. I used to just want to die but now I’ve decided that I don’t just want to resist. I want to live. Life is so beautiful and I don’t want to be a second stringer on it.
Best Things About Recovery:
Helping those who are or have been in my situation. It physically pains me to see others thinking and doing what I do. I always thought I was the only one to deserve the torture. So I say to others what I would like to believe myself. I know it has to be true deep down. I don’t want to be a coward anymore. I want to be strong enough to face and enjoy life. I want others to experience it to.
Hardest Part About Recovery:
It seems the thoughts never go away. The disappointment in my body and weight troubles me 24/7. I’ve conquered restricting for the most part as a way to cope with my self-hatred. I still picture a life as an underweight person. But I’m always unhappy in those fantasies. Happiness is in having energy to do the stuff I love. I just have to continue to tell myself what I’m ready for and what I’m not. I can’t just take a break from recovery. So I’m taking it day by day.
You are never alone. I promise you that. There is always somebody, though, that helps you in ways you can’t imagine. What happened in the past is done. It’s not your fault. It only becomes your fault when you quit and stop trying. Those voices are parasites. Those bad people were wrong. You deserve to love yourself. Everyone else has the ability to. Push those voices far away from you because when you give them an inch, they take a mile. Put your foot down and take back your life. It is nobody else’s to live. Never give in. Strive for progress, never perfection. There’s always tomorrow, so don’t worry about what can’t be done today. But do today what can be done. Don’t postpone recovery, that never works out. Reach out, that shows real courage.
Never be afraid to have self pride. Never stop loving yourself and others. This is YOUR time. You are all so beautiful, nobody deserves to make you feel like your not.
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